She'd wanted to know about the changes I was making, wanted to know if I was making them for her or for me. I said both, but mostly for myself ( did I screw up?) I told her it was probably like a 90/10 split.
She is noticing.
If she asks again, maybe say something like "It stinks it took this situation for me to realize that I needed to change some things in myself that were no longer working for ME."
Originally Posted By: MisterHopeful
Shortly after that she txts , something along the lines of [n]ot seeing us as more than friends. /sigh
Maybe view this as her 'checking herself' and trying to remind herself that she is going to stick with her plan even though she notices the improvements in you. Especially coming so soon after the 'changes' comments.
Mr, you don't want her to think that you are changing for her,
#1) she won't believe the changes are real. She will assume that this is a ploy to 'win her back' and that things will go right back to the way they were.
#2) she knows first hand that you can't make permanent change for someone other than yourself. She probably has spent the past months or years trying to be what she thought you wanted.
Man, been an eventful past few days. Thanksgiving came and went, you'd never guess there were problems. She talked that night about us going and hitting some black friday sales. So that morning we got up, left the kids at Grandma's and hit the sales. Spent most of the day shopping. We had a lot of fun, lots of friendly banter, cutting up, etc...
But about half way through the day she blindsides me with, "So do you think you'll get remarried?" (When I first heard the ILYBNILWY about a month ago, during my begging/pleaded stage, I was being rather emotional and blurted out that i doubted i'd ever marry again, that I was probably going to be single the rest of my life.) Now, i've come more to my senses since then and it is something i've thought about. But I was racing through my head "what do i say!??!!?!?". So I said the truth, that "yeah, I would probably get married again. But not til I was finished working on me." She was smiling and replied with "REALLY?!?! What changed from 'I'll be along and single'?" I said, "Life's too short, I enjoy being married & want to share my life with someone..." Later as we were buying some supplies (soap, etc...) she'd jest "Oh, you buying that for your new girlfriend?" I decided to play along b/c she seemed to be having fun with it... I replied, "Oh yeah, I got a hot date later, want to smell good" She laughed, "oh yeah, what's her name?" I said "uhhh... Tammy", she said "OMG you're not allowed to date anyone named Tammy".... I have no idea if this type of conversation is healthy but she seemed to be enjoying it so I kept at it despite how it made me feel inside (icky). I never initiated any of this type of conversation. Anyone out there that can make any sense of this?
Also, I was finally able to dispell most of the notion that she thought I found her unattractive. Best thing was it happened so naturally and truthfully I think she believed me. We were shopping in the Bra/panty section of one of the stores and well... my hormones were racing at picturing her in some of this stuff and I said, "Umm, Im just gonna go over there for a little bit...." She looked at me oddly and said "Why?" and I said, "Because this stuff is driving me crazy" Anyways, that was the door that opened for me to explain that when she wore some the black lacey stuff, that it drove me nuts. She seemed very pleased by this and teased me throughout the day about it.
Well, that's all for now. Kids need their daddy :-)
Me 36 W 35 Children S7 / D6 Married 11 years. ILYBNILWY Oct 29,2010 2 Dogs :-D
I agree that you should not pursue right now. But we women find things sexy about guys that that don't even realize. Maybe it's the way you prop up against the wall......who knows. But she'll see that in you, especially when you are looking & smelling good.
I think the "game" she was playing with you while shopping went a bit far, but as you said, she blindsided you. She does seem to respond when the two of you are keeping things light and even kidding around. That is why I think it's important to try to keep a fun atmosphere as much as possible. Your kids are just the right age to get them down on the floor rolling around and tickling them. Nothing can make a woman smile than to hear the giggles coming from her children. Who knows.....you might even get mom in on it too!
You might expect to be blindsided by her if you cause her to think you are getting your hopes up about the M. You could consider some things to say in response and have it in store to use. She will bring up about getting remarried again.
I could always tell when my H thought everything was honky-dory and the problem was fixed.....and maybe all I did was smile at him. So, I had to act mad or disinterested just to let him know nothing had changed and not get hopefull yet. I know that sounds awful, but a lot of W's are the same way, they just won't tell you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thank you all for the advise. I've been struggling with when I should pursue/not pursue. Like yesterday at the movies, she was at one point leaning forward.... used to, that'd mean she wanted a back rub. So I gave her one, but questioned later if I should have done that or not. Or times where we accidentally touch and someone's arm is touching the other... i'm not sure if i should pull back slightly or not....
About to enter a difficult week, wife informed me she's getting PMS early. She's rather difficult during that time and knows she is.
Me 36 W 35 Children S7 / D6 Married 11 years. ILYBNILWY Oct 29,2010 2 Dogs :-D
Ok, in a weird spot. I've read most of DR, but i'm a little confused how to proceed. We're doing well on being friends; cutting up, making each other laugh, etc... then she started talking about R stuff again.
The key thing i got from the conversation was that she feels that I dont love her the way I should and that I dont fully accept her b/c she knows theres things I dont like about her; specifically her loud side. She can be very loud in public, and the content not always appropriate. It's sometimes kinda embarrassing. I explained that one of things that I've read that I've come to understand is that you'll never like everything about your friends and family. You've gotta take the good with the bad. I said she was right, that in the past it wasn't something I'd fully accepted but that i'd learned that I was wrong.
My question is this, how do I prove/show to my wife that I still love her?
Me 36 W 35 Children S7 / D6 Married 11 years. ILYBNILWY Oct 29,2010 2 Dogs :-D
