desert's point is true to the extent that if it helps you to feel it is only for yourself, and you aren't watching her every reaction, you may be able to be more effective.
I'd go farther, and say if you are watching every reaction, you are in for a tough time. It takes for this to work. Sure, there may be a positive reaction today, but don't get too excited, there will probably be a bit of a downer tomorrow. You are after trends, not events.
You are trying to change the dynamic of the relationship by making changes in yourself. That's what you can control. In my opinion, as soon as you try to control your partner, you are asking for trouble.
Sometimes, even in successful reconciliations things will get worse before they get better. It takes time for a WAS to be ready to back off of a decision that was very hard for them to make in the first place. In their mind, they already tried everything. You can't rush this.
