I know the DB book is for me, not my W, but all of this info is EXACTLY what I want her to know and think about.
You are still thinking about a "logical" woman. She is not using logical thought patterns. Believe me when I say that you do not need to give her any material about M, especially the DB/DR book. That would be like showing the opposing team you game plan. These are tools for you to use.
You cannot fix her. You cannot say enough words, or search long enough for the right material to give her. I'm sorry this is so painful for you. I am one of the biggest "fixers" you'll ever meet. I use to think my kid sister could just "listen" to me and save herself a lot of heartache. Did she? Of course not! Did I learn my lesson? Of course not! I went through it with three more kids before I finally saw that they could not be "fixed" by me. It's hard, very hard...when you are turned the way I am and have to keep your mouth closed and let them be free to learn on their own. And,that's the thing....if I had been able to fix them like "I" wanted them fixed......then they would have been puppets instead of humans with free will.
Not only am I a fixer,but up until a few years ago I was a pleaser. I tried to live the way I thought others wanted. I tried to live up to everyone's expectations of me. I would have bet against the life of my children that I would never look at another man! Somewhere, something broke and I got very messed up.
Sorry, I don't why I got off into all of that. I just wanted you to know that a MR can be saved. She can find herself again. But, it may not be like you think she should. It may be after you are able to pull back and stop holding those reigns so tight. Trust me, she can sense your desparation and she won't like it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
