Welcome to our community. I'm really sorry that you have come home to this news. My first concern is your emotional state, given the fact you felt suicidal before and the anger issues you are working on. If you feel out of control or too intense...take care of that FIRST. Even if you go into an emergency room. You don't need to let her know about that.
I do think in your case you should request the counseling, she may stonewall, but it may buy you some time to figure some things out, make some changes, etc.
You are in a tough place because you cannot come off too strong or angry and you cannot be begging and pleading, those things will work against you.
I think a DB Coach would give you the very BEST advice for the kind of changes you need to make. That said, we in the online community are here to walk with you every step of the way. You are NOT alone.
Everyone here has had some sort of experience with this. No one is an expert. Any advice you get on taking a tough line with your wife right now will absolutely backfire in YOUR situation. You will get a lot of wonderful advice. Many of our members are very wise, and extremely supportive.
Take exceptional care of yourself. You matter. And you will get through this stronger, better. I hope that softens your wife's heart for a second chance. You will be able to grow with this community.
