I am done !!! I worked so hard on myself in order to improve on me and our marriage. Whereas he did NOTHING!! I am on medication for depression since I was very close to having a nervous breakdown back in April. I can't do this anymore. It just isn't worth it to me. Really, after much reflection, he never sided with me, even with our sons, he took their sides when reprimanding them, thus they always looked at mom as the WITCH. He is stubborn. Over the course of our 30 year marriage, we have been to marriage counseling 4 different times with 4 different people, 2 men and 2 women. Each session lasting 8 weeks. I made a mistake. The first gentleman we saw flipped out on my H, "I can see why your W gets frustrated with you. You are so stubborn, you are making me crazy." HMMMM...see, the problems of him never wanting to step into someone's shoes to get their perspective made that session last 3 weeks. He has to be right all the time where I am concerned. Another male counselor said to us, " do you always have to be right ?" All I have been doing since this whole nightmare began, years before he moved out, is think. Reflect and think.
Yes, he loved me as the mother of his children and to some extent as his partner. But when my mother died in 1997, he wasn't there for me emotionally. He has walked out on us numerous times when the boys were little staying in hotels or never knowing where he was.
Gee let me think, how many birthdays and holidays did he ruin because he was mad at me for something stupid. Like me hiring someone to do work around the house since he complained he was so tired and wanted time to himself. He never appreciated anything I did for him. 4 years ago, I came into some money. I treated my husband and sons and their girlfriends to a week vacation in St. John. $10,000, I paid and I never even got a kiss no less be intimate. My 50th birthday party was 6 years ago. All I wanted was a party. I did all the ground work. All he would have to do was make a phone call. NADA. People offered to help him..."MA will be very hurt if you don't give her a party." He said nothing, would not accept anyone's help.
So you see, these are some things from my past that make me question, personality disorder, MLC or just mean & nuts.
Yes, I will admit, he grew up in a family of 6 kids. He was the second oldest but the oldest son. His dad died when he was 13. He had 3 newspapers to deliver and had to give his money to his mom. She was very controlling and religious. The whole family is cold and insensitive. I tried to be understanding. Really I did. But all the professionals said to me from Life Coach to therapist to psychiatrist, " stop making excuses for him."
I really believe it was Divine Intervention that made me find him by accident on Plenty of Fish ( the dating website). It said to me, " Wake up Stupid and Smell the Coffee." " He is NOT into you !!!"
