2 years later it's still not getting easier

[Nvrgivup]

Well pulling back is the right thing I think, I mean could it make things worse? probably not. I think you are doing the right things, and really even if they don't seem like much, her asking to do stuff IS a really positive step! As long as you keep those expectations in check, take it as it is, and not what you want it to be, I think she'll ask for more? Seems like she is kind of already? I wish you the best my friend, Xmas with your family is fantastic!
Ya my kids have had a really hard time, and of course that effects how I feel about her and us. She couldn't have done this at worse time as far as their ages go. Younger kids have a rough time with all the changes, but they do adapt (even if its not a good thing) where my kids understood what it meant when she came home drunk at 3 am night after night, they heard her on the phone with other men, and realize what she was doing. It had a huge effect on their trust in her and respect for her... hence my 15 yr old won't go to school at her place because he doesn't respect her. Thats why it was important for me to make arrangements. He sure doesn't like the extra homework at my place but he DOES respect that I'm doing what sbest to help him succeed, and he appreciates the effort i think