Fix me, fix my life, win back my wife

[ScaredinCanada]

Thanks for the reply TH,

Mostly I'm just using this as a forum for venting and letting out my frustration. I'm honestly not pursuing her anymore, I stopped doing that about a week ago. It's a struggle, but I think I'm doing ok - and if I can avoid pursuing her in my dreams then I will have completely stopped.

I am focusing on me, that's been 99% of my focus (at times much higher than that) and on my kids, but obviously at times I struggle with it because it's not easy - I am human after all.

Just to point out (not sure if I mis-represented it at some point) but my W cheated on me right before we were to get married (over 10 years ago) and as far as I know she hasn't cheated on me since we've been married. I don't have any reason to think otherwise, and I've long been over the fact that she cheated on me. It doesn't do me any good to dwell on it.

I agree I want a happy and positive M or relationship regardless if it's with my W or not, but I believe that I haven't done anything that we can't work through - like I said...she cheated on me and I took her back even though it was really difficult.

Finally, I have pulled back. I barely speak with her now unless she talks to me, and other than being a more responsible person (ie. helping around the house) I am so focused on GAL now. I spend time in the gym everyday during the week, I'm taking my kids swimming again tonight, playing hockey tomorrow night, going out with some good friends on Friday night and taking the kids out of town for a Christmas party for the night on Saturday...

If I sound like I'm not putting in the effort or I'm not getting the advice from yourself and others - it's simply because I use this forum to let out my emotions and internal frustrations instead of taking them out on ANY of the people in my life.

I start counselling on Tuesday, I told the W she could also book individual counselling if she likes as it's covered by my work. No presure - it's upto her.