I have listened and she just don't talk about it. I used to push it a lot. I even told if we just talked about it I would feel better. I don't think she listens to me. I don't even know if she cares. I told her that this is the sorce of my problem.
When we had our second child she said remeber after we had our first one I lost my drive for two years. The funny thing is she never told me that. She just shuts off and leaves me hanging. She said this time it is different. She had a tubal and I think it is from that but I don't know. she won't go to the doctor for it. I am just left guessing. I love my wife and feel connected to her. She has says we are connected. I have been very angry lately and keep it bottled up. I would love to talk to her about it but when I was doing that she asked to stop talking about it.
I am very frustrated and don't know what to believe. She is responsible for herself and can't make her do anything. I sit and thing about changing myself but hell i DON'T THING THAT WILL MATTER. I am up again because I can't sleep and she is up there sleeping like a baby. I know she knows I am unhappy but she does nothing and it makes me wonder if it is all worth. I feel trapped because I love my kids and could not leave them and at the same time I cannot go on like thisl. I am miserable. I think everything could be ok if we could just get to a point where we could work on this together. I am so resentful right now that it is hard for me now to even talk about it without getting mad. So I try hard to keep going.
Where do I go from here? how do I get myself in a place where I cannot be happy ? I feel bad when I am mad and get angry when I am not mad, if that makes any sence. I just wish I could start all over again. I would do thing a lot different. As I get older I now know myself better and know what i want more than I did when I was younger. I am starting to ramble so I will stop.
It's not up to her what you talk to her about or whether you bottle up these feelings. It's up to you and only you. It's up to her what she does with it, but the first thing you owe yourself is to forget about hiding this anger and confusion. Tell her about it.
But be prepared for her to seem like she doesn't care. That might really mean that she doesn't care, but it might also mean that she doesn't really get it. That seems so impossible, I know, and it should be, but now that I've seen it happen I have to believe it.
+1, but I would suggest figuring out a way of letting go of any anger. While that is hard advice and doesn't make sense it is something that a person will ultimately need to do, so let go of it early, and it will help.
I learned that ultimately in most cases, both partners are the source of the SSM problem. One may not be as large a source as the other, but both have some ownership of the situation. If one can realize that, then one can attempt to forgive their partner and release anger.
After I learned to release my anger, I took responsibility for my own happiness, worked on getting a life and then provided my wife with the love (on her terms) that she needed to heal. That combined with a sex therapist who pushed my wife very hard and helped us both visualize what a "healthy marriage" would look like was what really changed things.
Good luck sporto
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
Thanks guys, Sometimes my frustration gets the best of me like it did last night. I know I must let go of the resentment and anger or it will destroy me.
Your feelings are common. Some of the posters on here touched on being responsible for your own happiness and state of mind. Its all part of the GAL regiment. The GAL regiment will put you in contact with things you like to do and people would can inject new life into you.
Many of us who have GAL'd looked more attractive to the spouse and things start back up.
The main reason for GAL is that "you have to do it anyway". Whether you leave or stay.
The anger really is perfectly natural and also at the same time destructive and a hindrance. So try not to dwell on feeling bad that you're angry; it's natural that you're angry. At the same time, it's good advice to work on letting go of anger early, if only because it will probably take a long time to do it and the longer you put that process off the longer it will take.
If you and your wife make positive changes, it will get easier and easier to let the anger go because you won't be getting it reinforced every day as you are now.
The anger really is perfectly natural and also at the same time destructive and a hindrance. So try not to dwell on feeling bad that you're angry; it's natural that you're angry. At the same time, it's good advice to work on letting go of anger early, if only because it will probably take a long time to do it and the longer you put that process off the longer it will take.
If you and your wife make positive changes, it will get easier and easier to let the anger go because you won't be getting it reinforced every day as you are now.
Decide to be happy regardless of the outcome. Set achievable goals and achieve them. Decide to not let her actions and situation revolving around her to take away from your personal happiness.
Just wanted to Ramble a little. I have been working on myself and I am feeling much better. It has been about 4 weeks since we last ML. I have not been bother by it as much. I really don't know what to do next. I am feeling like the lack of sex with her is not bothering me like it once did but I still desire a active sex life. What is a way to talk about it with the wife that won't lead in to a argument?
Talk to her about it openly but don't make it sound accusatory as if it's her fault that you aren't having sex. Tell her it's important for you and feel the strongest connection between the two of you when you do have sex. Ask if there is anything wrong emotionally for her.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
