First, I don't know how to reply to a few quotes in one reply from me. Sorry.
Anyway, Zen, your words did help as best it could be. Thank you Warriorshadow and Cadet as well.
As my oldest son has been saying to me since the spring, " Mom, it is what it is. Dad can't be truthful with you because he is not being truthful to himself. It will get better but I don't know what better is. But it will get better."
Honestly, I have been reading and trying to follow the teachings of Buddhism. How did that get started? I am a special education teacher and this year I am doing in class support for a world history class and we have been doing comparative religions.
It has been very useful. The philosophy / teachings is basically the same as what my Life Teacher taught me. Be patient, no expectations, make yourself happy.
After a lot of reflecting, I can't help but think this has been brewing a long time. So that is why I wonder, is it truly a MLC, a personality disorder or is he just a monster although he wasn't before. He was a great father & friend but so so as a husband. I still accepted him for who he was because, afterall, we are not perfect. I just can't over how can he say he loves me then is looking for a long term relationship.
