Cat,

What Zen said was very well said.

I see that you mentioned 30 years that you have been married. That

is an incredible amount of time for a marriage these days. I am

only at 20 years and to have to face a tragedy like this is

devastating to say the least. You will find people here to

help you. There are incredible people here. If you have not

read the resources, it would be good to do so now.

I know this is hard. That is precisely the reason you need

to dig in and learn about yourself. What is important in Cat's

life? What things would Cat like to do that you may not have

been able to do the last 30 years?

You have been put in a position to go on your own journey. You

did not ask for this journey but here it is. Many here thrive

after realizing their potential that may not have been fully

explored until a event like this is thrust upon them.

It is interesting to see some of the women that come here and

over time grow into to somebody that is incredible!! I see it

over and over and over.

As for your H being mean, nuts or whatever, what I have found

is the more time I spend here and through books, I find out

what is behind the mean or irrational behavior. It does make

it a little easier and helps you focus on yourself because

survival of yourself regardless of whatever is going on with your

H is what really matters for you.

So keep reading and posting. I can promise you it will help you

no matter what happens in your marriage from here on out.

I hope this helps you and maybe you have heard it all before,

but if you are anything like me, it takes a lot to get through

my thick skull. That is one of the little gems I got to pick up

throughout my journey in this.

WS