Originally Posted By: Harrier
I said I want to talk about this guy and where we stand.


You need to figure out where you stand first.

You are giving her all the power in this.

How does that feel?

We all come here with that kicked in the jimmy look on our face. It is not attractive.

SO

You cannot control her choices.

Just acknowledge that for yourself. You can control what you want.

I would just listen if she brings it up.

Then validate her feelings. "I understand how you feel that way." or repeat what she says to you so she knows your listening.

"I hear you saying you get upset at me when I do X. I understand how that might upset you."

None of this is agreeing with her right now but you are agreeing she has those feelings.

THEN

About OM. What are you prepared to do for your M if you are not guaranteed it can be saved. I am not talking taking her back at any cost.

And you must communicate that when the time is right.

I can say it no better than Bworl

Originally Posted By: Bworl
W, I've told you before that I still love you and still think that we can have a great life together as both a couple and a family. I've not changed my mind on that. But I understand you are not happy, that you do not feel happy or complete inside.

You need to do what will make you happy. By my side, we live as partners, we share everything and we would do anything to help one another. But that's only if we continue as a team.

I won't stand in your way. But I also will not help you leave this marriage or this family. And I will never accept another person being a part of our life together.

I hope you find the happiness you are looking for. Go do what you need to do. You know where I will be.


If this is how you feel. This is a great way to say it IMO.

YOU take the power back. YOU have made YOUR decision.

You are not placing anything in her hands except her own choice to come back to the M.

You will not be a victim of her choice either way.

You will have made your choice.

See the difference and how you feel and how you are perceived?

My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am