Sorry for such a late reply, I don't get on here so much anymore.
I know you must be feeling incredibly lonely at the moment, but in the future I know you'll definitely look back at this time as such an amazing period of your life where you took a really brave step and completely changed the direction of your life. Ok, so you didn't want the divorce, but look at where it has taken you. And what a different person you have become because of it. You really will look back at this time and be so proud of pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, and regaining control of your life.
You asked me for advice on how I dealt with my new relationship and the truth is, although I've learnt a lot from DB'ing and going through a horrible divorce, I'm still kind of struggling. I think struggling is probably not the right word, but I guess I'm still coming to terms with it. I'm not sure that you ever totally get over the shock/betrayal/rejection, not totally. There's always a tiny voice in the back of my mind reminding me not to be too comfortable in case it happens again. And its hard because if I'm not the 'best possible me' at any time - if I'm feeling grumpy or ill or whatever - I'm then really worried that it might put new BF off me - does that sound silly?! I guess I spent so long trying to put my old relationship right and being on my 'best behaviour' at the end, that its hard to just be yourself. Having said that, my new relationship is far better and more healthy than the one I had with my ex. I am probably too used to over analysing things!
One of the things I find the hardest is I have no one to share my memories of the past with. I spent 10 years with my ex, from the age of 16 - 26, and in a way its like that whole time of my life has been packed away in a box in my mind. A memory of a holiday, or a meal out, or a film we watched together, or a birthday, a gig we went to - its all been designated to a dark corner of my mind and is gone forever. I havent just lost the relationship I had with my ex, but the life I had before too. Not sure if that makes any sense to you?
However - looking back at what I went through, and as much as I wouldnt have chosen to go through this, I do think I am on a better path now than I would have been if we had stayed together. It took some time to come to that conclusion. I really think you will find that too.
There's loads more I could say but don't want to hijack your thread! I am in the alt so if you want to contact me let me know and I'm more than happy to share and help at all if I can.
Enjoy every minute of your trip - there'll be a time when you're home and wish you were back there, free and in the sunshine!!
Lea xx
Me-26 H-27 T-10 years M-20 months First bomb-Feb 07 Second bomb-March 08
I just wanted to share something that made me smile at my own behaviour. I am reading a book about confidence and there was a confidence workout that you are supposed to do each morning - it takes 5 mins. Just as I was thinking, 'oooh I don't really have time for that' I read 'I know you are thinking you don't have time but think how long you spend on the feeling crap workout'. This hit such a chord with me and really made me laugh at myself because I devote at least half an hour to that if not more. Time to change my habits methinks.
Just a quick update. I travelled to Sydney and have been here about a week. I have mainly been resting as I have been ill with Ross River virus. It was pretty nasty, anyway the rest did me good. I realised I know no one in Sydney and a fair few people in Melbourne so am heading down there. It is always hard starting somewhere new and I thought, why make things harder for myself. I am getting the coach in an hour, it takes 12 hours!
I feel like this month on my own has been a real journey both physically and mentally. I think it was good taking stock time. I really feel like I want to make some changes, especially in the confidence stakes, as this is a real issue for me.
Time for a new start and new attitude. Let's hope Melbourne is the place for it. Fingers crossed!
P.S - photos of my trip to the South West up on FB if you want to take a look...
Now I'm in Melbourne and feeling slightly overwhelmed. Really I would like to fly home and snuggle on the sofa at Mum and Dad's under a duvet watching TV while Mum cooks me my favourite dinner with the Christmas lights on.
I don't feel in the mood for Christmas at all, it is so strange with the weather being warm and all that. Last year I didn't want Christmas but this year I am missing my family, for the first time ever I am feeling homesick.
But I know I must press on. I really need to find a job, the situation is quite desperate so I have been contacting temping agencies and tomorrow I will trawl the streets.
I have contacted the few people I know in Melbourne, they are all so random. My sister-in-laws cousin, a girl I used to sit next to in wind band at school, a guy I used to date at uni (in fact he contacted me), and a girl I met for two hours travelling last year who has always kept writing to me. All better than knowing no one as in Sydney.
There was the NZ train guy too, he told me to get in contact when I get to Melbourne. I am wondering whether to do that, he was very keen but would it be weird? He is in NZ at the moment on holiday so I wonder if I should wait. I'm not sure I like him in that way either. What do you guys think?
The other thing I am really pissed off about and clearly it should be the last thing on my mind is Joe. I emailed him weeks ago as he was all about keeping in touch etc etc and he has never replied. That really annoys me. Why do guys do that?? I know it shouldn't bother me but it really really does. Maybe that is why I am hesitant about emailing train guy. I don't need more rejection at the moment. I know boys should be the last thing on my focus at the moment but I guess it is because I am feeling lonely.
I know I have to give myself time here and patience but it is hard to keep starting over all the time. Sigh! I really need a helping hand from somewhere right now. I think I am doing all the right things and am in the right place. Now I just need things to happen...
(((((Julia))))) Sorry you are feeling a bit down. You're having quite and adventure. I think the courage you've shown is incredible, and the lessons you have learned are going to stay with you for the rest of your life.
I can't give you much advice on your questions, except that I think at this point following the voice inside you is probably a pretty good idea!
I think with the Joe thing I got a taste of how nice being with someone again is, even if I know he wasn't the right person for me and then I had to go back to being on my own again - totally alone. It is quite a contrast!
The thing with Joe not replying - I think you've got to try and remember its nothing you've done, its to do with him and his own issues. He is probably feeling really rejected right now. Just my theory. There's nothing you can do so try and not let it get you down. Easier said than done though, and I know I would feel the same! Definitely think its weighing more on your mind because of how lonely and home sick you are feeling right now. I would say - get in contact with NZ train guy (I don't think its weird, its the way you meet people when you're travelling on your own), and as many other people you can, and keep yourself socialising and busy busy busy.
I'm not friends with anyone on her in the alt, so how do we do it, do I just give you my name and you can come find me?!
Lea xx
Me-26 H-27 T-10 years M-20 months First bomb-Feb 07 Second bomb-March 08
Thanks Lea, you are right it is his own issues (but still hard at the same time to not wonder what you did wrong, although I can think of nothing!). On the alt thing, check my signature and you'll find me if you finish it off with the uk version of yahoo.
