I know you don't know me but I'm unravelling a verbally/emotionally abusive marriage and of course it goes back to my mother too. I so relate to what you are saying that when someone tells you who you are, what you think, what you mean, etc, you can get confused as to what you actually do think and feel.
Please accept this quote if it fits, and discard it if it doesn't - it's from Patricia Evan's Verbal Abuse site: "Verbal abuse creates emotional pain and mental anguish. It is a lie told to you or about you. Generally, verbal abuse defines people telling them what they are, what they think, their motives, and so forth. The best way to deal with a verbally abusive relationship, whether you are the target of verbal abuse or the perpetrator, is to find out everything you can about verbally abusive relationships and their dynamics. Usually one person is blaming, accusing, even name calling, and the other is defending and explaining."
I know this is no answer, but hopefully a validation of what you have experienced. (())
