online dating tips #3

[g450]

You are right Donna,

It was not fair for her Son to be involved. But to be fair, she is in a situation where it can not be helped. It was either this or she goes back to having car sex with bar pickups on weekends while her Son stays with her Niece. How would that help him?

She is a very sexual person. I can not exagerate this enough. When she wants it, she gets it. Simple as that. But I do believe that she is capable of monogamy (which is a must for me) and that is a good thing for her, me and even for her Sons as I see it. And I see monogamy as beneficial to her entire family over what she was doing before I met her.

figgeroni,

"I wonder why you would want to be with someone who clearly wants something different than you do?"

That's a fair question. I do want a LTR as she does. The differences is that she wants a ring and to have her Son and her move in with me. I want everything she wants minus the ring and for her to keep a separate household to care for her Son.

In the end it is really up to her. I told her what I wanted in a relationship and that if she wanted more I would understand if she wanted to break it off and date another guy. This has always been the case. She is free to choose and free to go. She has chosen to stay for the time being. This relationship is beneficial to both of us even though we are not completely in sync with what we both want.

I feel I would swim through shark infested waters to save her life but not to bring her lemonade. Just saying.

But as long as she is with me I at least will care for her and show her love as well as be friendly towards her Son. That is the extent of my commitment unless I decide different later or she changes her own mind.

oldtimer,

I have no problem being in a relationship with a woman that has a child and understand that he will be part of that. But that does not mean that I will be his Father or Raise him. And I disagree with you on that point. Just because I am dating a single mother does NOT mean I am dating her Son. I have no problem being part of his life but I will not be his Dad. He has one. There is no set rule for this and she is free to end it at any time if I do not give her what she wants or needs.

And it is totally up to her if this is not enough for her for me to simply be friendly towards him. I have never come between her and her Son EVER. I even told her that her Sons are priority 1. I come second and I have no problem with that.

You have to also remember that he does have a Father. Although he is a deadbeat dad in the worst way he still is in contact with his Son even though he spends little to no time with him.
He tends to use his Son as an excuse to contact my GF to argue with her. This has been a thorn in my side but I have learned to ignore it so this has not caused any major problems for me and her like he most likely wishes it did. But thats another story completely so I wont get into that. I am dealing with it appropriately.

My Mom dated a few men when my Dad died and not once did any of them "date" either me or my three brothers. And we were about the same age 10-16. She is married to him now and has never been happier. And we were all grown before she married. They dated for years, so I see no problem with my GF doing that with me. I fail to understand how this is a problem. The boy has a father. In our case our Dad was deceased but we still didnt see my Mothers BF as a father figure. Maybe we were dysfunctional in your eyes. I dont know.

Again, sorry for the long post. I guess I am starting to feel like I have to defend myself. Maybe that is a red flag for me.
I will now seriously consider breaking it off with her for her Son's sake. He deserves a real Dad unlike the POS who doesnt even want to send him a birthday gift. It's sad. Again, I hate divorce!

I will take everything posed here into consideration. Thank you all.