What were you NOT doing before that made you stop being the man she fell in love with?

She chose you at some point nearly 20 years ago. She chose to stay with you long enough for two children to be born and grow up.

Where did the spark go out? And what was your contribution?

I ask this because it's not likely that you can MAKE her change her mind. It sounds like she's off on the fantasy highway, oddly enough with a man she has divorced once already. And while it makes no sense to you or me, it makes perfect sense to her.

Now she has to NOT be in love with you. Now you have to NOT be the right man for her. Now she has to NOT be able to happy with you. All these things HAVE to be this way or she cannot justify doing what she knows is a terribly WRONG thing.


And yet none of that changes the fact that you cannot change her mind.


I would tell her that I really don't need to hear again how wrong you are for her, how unhappy she makes you, how your marriage can never work for her. I would tell her that I believe in commitment, ESPECIALLY when you still have children to raise, and that I believe in people's ability to rise above themselves.


I would also tell her that I will not stand in her way, and at the same time will not destroy what remains of your home in order to make her new desires easy to obtain.


Then I would do my best to never speak of it again.

And I would occupy my every effort with reclaiming myself - with becoming once again the man that she fell in love with. I would extend her every kindness, every courtesy, every ounce of compassion that I felt for her when I was first falling in love. At the same time I would refuse to budge even the littlest bit from doing somethig to help her leave.



A difficult balancing act for sure.


Blessings,

Bill

"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."