H's MLC - he is still lost but I found myself

[Mila]

I understand I feel the same

That's what I feel like replying...

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Ahhh...but then its about you. And a reminder that he is the reason...and that isn't your intent right?



"Obviously you're not drinking enough!"

j/k ing...sort of.

Opportunities...what are you going to do?

[Mila]

Thanks Jack - obviously I'm not drinking enough LOL

You have a good point I don't want to make it about me and remind him of his screw up.

opportunities????

I don't know...tell him to have a drink that he will feel better? joking....

Tell him that I'll take him out for a drink to celebrate?....no

the old standby "Sorry you feel that way" ???


well help me out Jack....what are you thinking?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I am thinking, he left an opened ended comment.

And it doesn't cost you anything to either: validate a little.

"I'm sorry, it will get better."

Or even joke a little, but none of that dark humor Emo's find so attractive. No joke at his expense.

"You should drink more then."

But it has to be your words Mila. And your choice if you feel up for it.

[Mila]

You are a wise man Mr. Jack

validate....what a concept LOL

You are right I'll do that, I feel that I should respond to the email....it seems like he is reaching out.

Thanks so much

(((jack)))

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Just a guy not as close to the situation as you are Mila.

PS - make a new thread in the 1 - 100 post range. : )

[Mila]

Thanks Jack...sometimes I feel that I'm way to close to this to see the big picture....that's why I'm so grateful to have you guys here.

Thanks for the long tread reminder....will start a new one soon

[glamgirl]

Thanks Mila. I have wanted to post something about my situation, but just haven't found the words yet. I find myself here as a reminder of what I went through and to possibly help those that are struggling and to offer encouragment from the other side.

As far as the email to your h something like sorry h you are feeling that way. I am here for you if you would like to talk comes to mind.

I always tried to take the higher road with my h. He didn't offer much in the way of responses nor did he seem to acknowledge my kindness in the beginning, but I guess in the end it did pay off.

[goodattitudegirl]

Mila,

First chance for me to reply today.

... I don't think that I'm anywhere close flirting with my H.....it would feel wrong at this stage. All I can do for now is to look hot, be strong and independent, live my life and be happy without him..."Your loss buddy".

I agree that you're not at the point of flirting with H in the way that most think of it, but I DO think that it would be helpful for you to make a point of not acting like a mother with H, whatever that looks like. I'm not saying that you are acting this way.........only you can judge that..........., but the further you can get from that persona, the harder it will be for H to project his feelings about his mother onto you.

Jody's definition of flirting might serve this function (see below):

Jody defines flirting as “when someone comes into our energy field and they feel better about themselves for being there….and they look at us and think “She’s so much fun. She’s a hoot! I love being around her”. Jody doesn’t encourage the kind of flirting that makes people wonder “What’s her motive? Where is this going?” It’s just you being really generous with who you are.

Compared to what you described in your post (see below)...........

All I can do for now is to look hot, be strong and independent, live my life and be happy without him..."Your loss buddy".

............I think Jody's description seems less fiercely independent and more approachable. Being a distancer myself, I am trying to become more like what Jody described and less like the fiercely independent woman that I have been for many years. I think that the actions exhibited by both of these types are very similar..........but the attitude that is projected is different.

Just my $0.02.

GAG

[Mila]

Thank you Glam & GAG

Glam - I didn't mean to pressure you to post... I'm sure you'll know if/when the time comes. I'm just happy that you are still here offering your insight to us...thank you

I did reply to my H, just said your are welcome and that I'm sorry and that I'm sure that things will get better. I didn't want to go any further. At our last meeting he sounded so confident about the path he is on.

GAG - You sure gave something to think about. I'll see if I can somehow incorporate more "feel good" moments for him

One thing that he said at the meeting came back to me and I've been thinking about it.

As I was defending myself I said "I'm not trying to prevent you from being happy, I've let you go" He jumped and angrily said "Let me go? I don't need your permission. What do you mean let me go, you can't hold me, you have no right"...so obviously I used the wrong choice of words...I corrected myself and said "in my mind" he seemed pacified with that. Again seems like a teenager fighting for freedom....I can see that he may see a mother figure in me when I make statements like that.