I think your letter was heartfelt and honest. I sent a similar one to my H after out last tiff, and got no response at all. I don't even know if he got to read it, as I suspect OW censors his mail.
At least you know that he was sorry for the way things went, as well, and was even quicker on the draw to write than you. Great minds think alike, I always say. Sometimes it takes a blow up to clear the air, or clear the clouds in our/their minds for a moment.
Sorry Mila that your h is still full of anger. My h was angry for about 3 years. Your heartfelt e-mail was nice. Your h did come to his senses for a moment, but you can expect the angry h to be back anytime soon. He still needs to process everything.
It's horrible to be on the receiving end of their anger, but keep telling yourself that he is NOT rational and please don't even try to defend yourself when he is like this. He WON'T hear a word you say and will turn everything you say against you.
The best advice I can give you is to NOT engage in these type of conversatiions. I know that is very difficult to do, since what they are saying is not true and you want to defend your actions and thinking about it will do NO good and then make you feel terrible.
Try to remember they are selfish and this is NOT about you. BTW I heard the same thing about being like my h's mom and I too bought a car without my h. They must read the same books and then insert same verbiage. Ha Ha Ha!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Very weird that your H went dress shopping with you guys! Would he have done this pre-mlc?
I know how hard you try to not be engaged by your H but he sure is persisitent! I agree that he seems to be angry with the consequences of his choices!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Mila, you must be on a HUGE emotional rollercoaster! Lots of twists and turns in your situation. I don't know how you do it!
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
My h was angry for about 3 years.
GGirl, interesting that your H was angry for so long but still returned home. Thanks for sharing.
Originally Posted By: Glamgirl
BTW I heard the same thing about being like my h's mom and I too bought a car without my h. They must read the same books and then insert same verbiage
My XH compared me to his mother to! They must have secret meetings together, like the Little Rascals' "He Man Woman Haters Club" (GAG crosses her eyes and makes a face).
SA, Punkin, Glam, CW & GAG...I agree with all of your comments, thank you so much for your continues support.
Surprised that nobody wanted to hit me over the head for sending the e-mail....thank you I'm glad that I'd sent it...maybe it will make him think....I can always hope, right?
Glam - thank so much for continuing to help here even now that you are back together with your hubby. How is everything? You are not posting so we don't know any details, it would be nice to get an update when you are ready.
CW - H hates clothes shopping...in the past he would only go if D really wanted him to....or on Vacations.
GAG - what is it with these guys and their mothers? I'm trying to connect the dots....right now they do behave like teenagers and are asserting their independence...last time they did that was to free themselves from their mothers...so maybe it has something to do with comparing us to their moms.
This morning I got another interesting email from H.
I found a great stereo for D's car for a very good price. I would like to go and get it for her, with her, from you and I as an early Christmas present. Would you agree? Let me know what you think.
Note that I highlighted the "from you and I"....interesting that he still thinks that way.
I replied that if was a great idea.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
..right now they do behave like teenagers and are asserting their independence...last time they did that was to free themselves from their mothers...so maybe it has something to do with comparing us to their moms.
This sentence ^^^^^^^ in your last e-mail caught my attention because I am at the point of flirting with XH (encouraged by Missherlove). Maybe we need to act toward our WAH's in a way that can't be confused with their mothers, if you get what I mean. They may not respond in kind, but it might help to make them separate us from their mothers.......AND...........show them that we can hold our own against the OW/GFs.....Just a thought that I'm throwing out there.
For example, I went to visit XH's mother a couple days before Thanksgiving. To my surprise I found a grade school photo of XH on X-MIL's kitchen table. I had never seen that photo before, so I took a photo of it with my cell phone and texted it to XH with the message "Wanna meet behind the Jungle Jim at recess?"..........XH didn't reply to the text, but the next day in an e-mail exchange he mentioned something about how cute girls will be more likely to be touched by TSA agents (XH knew I was flying the next day), so I think my comment registered on some level with him
I found a great stereo for D's car for a very good price. I would like to go and get it for her, with her, from you and I as an early Christmas present. Would you agree? Let me know what you think.
Note that I highlighted the "from you and I"....interesting that he still thinks that way.
OK.....my head is spinning like Linda Blair's in "The Exorcist".
Thank you GAG - I like the "innocent" hints you are sending your XH's way....looks like he is taking notice
BTW I don't think that I'm anywhere close flirting with my H.....it would feel wrong at this stage. All I can do for now is to look hot, be strong and independent, live my life and be happy without him..."Your loss buddy".
GAG - if your head is spinning from my H...you can imagine what mine is doing
Got another email from H. Just reporting to me that he went to visit his dad and that his dad is not looking that good and is starting new chemo...
I thanked him for letting me know. I'm in touch with his dad and know all the details, but H probably doesn't know that so maybe he just wanted to keep me informed.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
It's my H's Saint day (Name Day) today so I'd sent him an email wishing him all the best and my hopes that he has a nice day. (I'm just following his lead he'd send me an email for mine Saint Day few months back)
This is what he replied
Thank you for your wish... I’ll do my best... I really don’t know what it feels like to have a nice day anymore..
Not sure what to reply to that.....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I'm glad that I'd sent it...maybe it will make him think....I can always hope, right?
