Australia

[lea123]

Hey

Sorry for such a late reply, I don't get on here so much anymore.

I know you must be feeling incredibly lonely at the moment, but in the future I know you'll definitely look back at this time as such an amazing period of your life where you took a really brave step and completely changed the direction of your life. Ok, so you didn't want the divorce, but look at where it has taken you. And what a different person you have become because of it. You really will look back at this time and be so proud of pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, and regaining control of your life.

You asked me for advice on how I dealt with my new relationship and the truth is, although I've learnt a lot from DB'ing and going through a horrible divorce, I'm still kind of struggling. I think struggling is probably not the right word, but I guess I'm still coming to terms with it. I'm not sure that you ever totally get over the shock/betrayal/rejection, not totally. There's always a tiny voice in the back of my mind reminding me not to be too comfortable in case it happens again. And its hard because if I'm not the 'best possible me' at any time - if I'm feeling grumpy or ill or whatever - I'm then really worried that it might put new BF off me - does that sound silly?! I guess I spent so long trying to put my old relationship right and being on my 'best behaviour' at the end, that its hard to just be yourself. Having said that, my new relationship is far better and more healthy than the one I had with my ex. I am probably too used to over analysing things!

One of the things I find the hardest is I have no one to share my memories of the past with. I spent 10 years with my ex, from the age of 16 - 26, and in a way its like that whole time of my life has been packed away in a box in my mind. A memory of a holiday, or a meal out, or a film we watched together, or a birthday, a gig we went to - its all been designated to a dark corner of my mind and is gone forever. I havent just lost the relationship I had with my ex, but the life I had before too. Not sure if that makes any sense to you?

However - looking back at what I went through, and as much as I wouldnt have chosen to go through this, I do think I am on a better path now than I would have been if we had stayed together. It took some time to come to that conclusion. I really think you will find that too.

There's loads more I could say but don't want to hijack your thread! I am in the alt so if you want to contact me let me know and I'm more than happy to share and help at all if I can.

Enjoy every minute of your trip - there'll be a time when you're home and wish you were back there, free and in the sunshine!!

Lea
xx