It's okay. It saddens me to some degree when or if I allow myself to wonder how different things might have been if she hadn't been sick and I had not have had to be so tough on her. She's been through a lot and I think that's helped her to grow up.
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Does she recognize how much you cared and all you do for her?
You know, I don't think I've ever asked her that. I think she knows that I did the best I could. I certainly hope she knows it was b/c I loved her so much. I use to tell her that when she was would give me so much grief. The thing that bothers me is that she has lost most of her childhood memories. Doctor say it is due to her diabetes being out of control, brain swealing, etc. Sometimes I wonder if she ever remembers good times or if it's just the bad.
I wished with all my heart I knew the answers you are seeking. But, I don't. I mean....it's like you can't "do" anything right when they are in that angry stage.
The sick people that I have known has told me that they don't want S hovering over them and asking what they can do and if she's alright. It just like it makes them more mad. OTOH, if you ignore her, then she wouldn't like that, either. So, you have to find a balance in there somewhere.
Believe me, I know how desparate you are feeling about all of it. The hardest thing I ever did was when a certain event came and I knew that there was not one thing that Sandi could do. It was completely out of my hands. I had always took care of my D, but she was moving away and from me and I would not be there to see that she was okay. I watched her dive away and I went in my house and fell down in the middle of the floor crying. I told God that I could not bear this and I could not live scared to death to answer the phone and being told that she was dead. That is when I truly put her in God's hands.....and I "had" to trust Him to take care of her. And He did.
That is why I asked before if the two of you believed in God, went to Church, etc. I wouldn't have make it if I had not had my faith. Faith is sorely tested.....but if it wasn't....then it wouldn't be "faith".
I've go to run,but I'll finish later.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
