Help save my WAW

[NotReadyToQuit]

Thank you Sandi, I really appreciate it. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that without any help. I can't imagine how hard that had to have been. How is your relationship with your D now? Does she recognize how much you cared and all you do for her?

I recognize now that my love and concern was probably seen as pestering or nagging. I was always asking her how she felt and what I could do because it was always on my mind. It kills me that I can't do anything to help. So, yeah, I'm sure I smothered her. My problem is, I don't know how to address the health stuff any other way. If I don't ask, or don't say anything when she complains about feeling crappy, then I feel like she'll think I don't care. Take this morning, for example: she felt sick this morning and was throwing up a little. Do I try to help her? Do I just leave her alone?

She sees a therapist now, but I'm not sure he's the right one. SHe's seen him for years and really likes him, but I don't know that he's helping her deal with cancer. He was the one that told me, "cancer really changes a person. You might not be what she wants anymore." Great, that's exactly who I want in her ear. I don't know that anyone is addressing her anger or coping with the disease.

How do I suggest she go to someone else? Someone more qualified to help address the cancer? It's a touchy subject and even more so now with the D hanging over us.

I'm pretty convinced that our M isn't the problem either. I think she's angry and since I'm the closest thing to her, she resents me and uses me as an outlet for that anger. This is what really scares me and our friends and family (not so much hers). That she's using the marriage as a scapegoat for her unhappiness.

So what do I do about this? Take a step back and wait for her to figure this out? This approach worries me because even in the best of times, she wasn't good at communicating. Neither of us are. So if I take a step back, I'm not sure she will take the steps forward to bring us back together.