"I do not feel like I am using her but I will try to instill in her the fact that there may be a better man out there for her that actually wants to raise her 12 year old boy. Who knows, she may get lucky. And no, I am not trying to be sarcastic but I doubt she will find a man like that at our age. "
You seem to have a bit of a skewed view here. I've never actually seen anyone on these boards have this attitude toward children in a relationship. And, make no mistake, if you are in a relationship with someone with children, the children are in the relationship too.
It is clear what GF wants. She has made it clear that she and her S are a package deal. Again, you don't get to come between them. You don't get to take half the package and put the other half away. You get them both. She has been very clear on that.
You've also been playing the "we're married" game. Seriously. You can't believe that she doesn't think that this is potentially headed to a FAMILY. She already stopped seeing you once because you aren't interested in parenting. You still aren't interested. But, you reassure her that you like her Son, you ask what more you could possible do, you act as if you are willing to include Son so that you can keep seeing her. How is she supposed to know that you do it with such distaste and resentment? If YOU don't want to date a mother and son, then WHY are YOU doing it? This isn't something being forced on you. It is a choice you are making, a choice that leads to no place but harm for GF and her Son as far as I can see. You have ZERO intention of being the kind of long-term partner she wants in her life, but you keep playing at it, with both her and Son.
To be blunt: I've seen plenty of DBers date too early. Signs of this are wild conflicting emotions, rather bizarre claims, the very sudden "perfect R" with the "perfect person" except that things are really screwed up that are both complained bitterly about and denied, an inability to see pretty obvious things. You and she may be a good match, but there is no way for either of you to tell right now because your NEED is so great it is skewing everything.
If you don't want a package deal, stop taking it now. Pay for a babysitter. Stop engaging with the Son. If she's really OK with that, then she'll keep seeing you. But, clearly she'll probably stop seeing you. She's been honest. Her actions have matched her words. But your actions now are dishonest and insincere and not fair to anyone. You aren't married. You aren't interested in being married or in parenting. Stop it.
