Thanks feeling hopeless she comes out with conflicting statements I think it boils down to this is the easy way in her mind. Less conflict to leave she is not over OM she needs her own space but she straight up said she's not going to see a lawyer for a D. Arrrggghhh. I will get through this but I am not going to ask for the D she will have to do that. I will check out that thread. How's the telephone coaching work?
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
Well OM sent a NC text of his own free will witnessed by his spouse. Its a start. My W's demeanor has changed since. Going to keep on fighting and preparing for the worst.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
If there really is going to be NC, and it's up to you how much you believe, then prepare for withdrawl. But that would be a good thing, as opposed to lying about NC and maintaining A in secret.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
So at what point do you just concede and realize your disloyal W is done and going to WAW no matter what DB things you do.
Honestly, there's this zen-like thing that I think would help you if you can "get it":
What she is feeling is real to her. She's not in some fog, she hasn't been taken over by an alien intelligence, and these are her real emotions, and the sooner you can accept THAT she feels how she feels the better.
None of us is armed with prescience, but when you stop struggling against her, accept what she is telling you, and resolve to live a great life anyway, things are going to get easier no matter what happens.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I have told her I know her emotions are real. I am not fighting her but she doesn't want to really even talk. So she is like an alien because she is not my wife rt now. If the kids were not here and xmas in a few weeks I am sure she would be somewhere else. I believe she is truly depressed now but I am not sure if I just say that at the MC appointment this week. Her comment as to why we can never recover is because it the A will alwasy be there. I feel like giving up at this moment. But I wont I will wait for her to sayD and be ready.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
I have told her I know her emotions are real.I am not fighting her but she doesn't want to really even talk.
Do you see the contradictions in what you have posted.
She doesn't want to talk, but you are telling her stuff, but you aren't fighting her?
You're going to be OK. Make taking care of yourself and your family your top priority now. Let her figure things out on her own while you protect yourself and the rest of your family.
If the affair has ended, let her make her own choices.
Help us out here if that is a misread.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Any new financing she will do on her own. By not fighting her I mean when she has said I need to find a place for my own space I said to the effect you need to do what you need to do but I let her know she was still wanted/welcome by us at home. She will not discuss anything that would help move any form of recovery. She will discuss practical matters kid stuff schedules etc. She has become more angry in the last 24 hours. I do not know if it's because of the nc txt. Rt now I think she wants the OM because she cannot have him. I am trying to keep peace for xmas. I can't see doing Lrt before that or how to in the same house.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
I said to the effect you need to do what you need to do but I let her know she was still wanted/welcome by us at home.
She may percieve the welcome mat as pursuing, so be careful.
I am having a similar problem with my W who cancelled her planned trip to visit OM out of fear that I will expose her. So she doesn't like me at all right now. One night she'll sleep in our bed; then the next few nights she'll sleep on the couch. Very prone to act out of her mood swings.
I have totally elimninated all semblence of pursuit, and if she wants to talk (which usually means dropping some new bomb) I just listen and try not to get angry.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
