I have been thinking a lot about boundaries. I think one has come to me, but its not easy to define. If I don't set this boundary I won't be able to make it through this. It is simple, no dramatic action required, but a big shift in how I think.
I am not responsible for my H’s thoughts, feelings, or actions.
Seriously, I know this isn't rocket science. I already know this too. But I don't KNOW it. I think my biggest blunder when H & I got back together after our first separation was to feel like I had caused him to NEED to run away, have an affair (or 3), and behave like an a**.
But I didn't cause it.
Not then, and not now.
Yes, I could have done things different or been a little bit better wife or just paid more attention to him. Maybe insisted he see a doctor when he started to sink into his depression.
But all of this is about him.
Not me.
Really.
I grew up in a house where no one really argued. My dad yelled. My mom was frequently on the verge of a breakdown. But no arguing. Not directly anyway. I learned from birth to read minds, monitor moods and body language, and walk on eggshells. I have always been an abused spouse waiting to happen. I always felt responsible for keeping other people happy. I still do, even though I know I shouldn’t.
