Working on acceptance and forgiveness

[AntoniaB]

Yeah really, Punkin! So get this, I thank him for the promised 600 bucks and just make some random comments about things being really tight financially so I appreciate it, and he starts asking me questions like "how can you be struggling...I'm doing ok" and I give him some concrete examples, at which point he says "damn, I'll send you 1000.00. I didn't realize it was that tough." So then after more small talk I say look would you rather just talk on the phone this is tough to try to text this stuff all out, so he then says yes I'll call in a bit when I am done folding laundry. So then he called and we talked for like an hour and a half. Mostly I talked I guess--because he just asks about my life and I do NOT ask about his unless I'm sure that the conversation isn't going to be about the OW. By the time I got off the phone I had the oddest feeling--it felt like a "normal" conversation--like one we might have had if I were at my parents for a weekend and just calling to catch up before we went to bed. I was about to say "bligh" which for some goofy reason we always used to say to each other when we got off the phone--just a silly habit--and I caught myself before I did it.

It was the most "normal" an interaction we've had in 6 months. It was totally normal.

But yet, it's not--because in 2 weeks, we'll be divorced. What a crazy evening. The thing is that if he does write the check, and it clears, he will at some point perhaps look back on tonight and say "hmm, if I hadn't sent that text to her to begin with, I might not be $1000 poorer." I mean, I never asked. Not for a penny. I guess it's the guilt working.