I haven't posted to you before although I check your thread when I can. This convo caught my attention. Very interesting insights below. Thanks for sharing!
Originally Posted By: hope for zen
Recently I was thinking about early on when my H gave me the list of complaints. This was all really pretty easy stuff and like you I didn't feel any of this waranted a divorce. I got strait to work. I aknowledged my part, apologized, and made changes. None of it seemed to help. H just kept getting further away.
What I recently came to realize is that in my case, H was not asking me to change. H was looking for me to agree that the M couldn't be fixed. He wanted me to validate his desire to leave me for OW. I think this was why the better I did the faster he ran. He didn't WANT to see that we could be happy, and he won't want to see it unless he decides on his own that he wants to come home.
I had a similar experience in that H/XH told me he was leaving because I worked too much (I did). When I switched jobs 5 months after H dropped the bomb (working a lot fewer hours now) it didn't make any difference. H kept running away and forced a D decree down my throat within a few months. I took this to mean that my work schedule wasn't the real problem at all. Not saying my stress at work didn't make me less fun to be around, but making that dramatic change didn't have any affect on H/XH's decision.
