Here's another perspective. When our spouses check out of the marriage, we LBS believe that they still owe us loyalty, commitment, etc. However, if they truly have checked out, particularly if they are dating someone else, then they don't feel the same and we are competing for them again as if we were not married. It sucks, it shouldn't be that way, and only you can decide if you wish to compete for your wife's love which you already thought you had an exclusive on. But, I think that's the reality that most of us face. Of course, that doesn't mean that your spouse should get the benefits of being married to you either, in the meantime.
I know this is how it SHOULD be, but it isn't the reality. In reality, the LBS is not often in the position of being able to make the rules. If the LBS tries to enforce how it SHOULD be now, very often they will lose. The first need to get in a better position.
I understand the underlying moral premise here, and I actually agree with it, and would want to think that is what I would do. But, it isn't the way it works. Relationships are messy and take a LOT of flexiblity.
