New plan: I am going to find a good therapist and go myself, alone, at least the first time.
Good plan! Early on in my sitch I was advised by my SIL to find a therapist, not to heal my R, but just to survive this. She has had a few friends go through similar problems. My IC has been the one person I could spill my guts to without fear of it getting back to my H. I recomend IC above MC in sitchs like ours when the spouse isn't interested in saving the marriage.
Take the time to find a good one who is pro-marriage. MWD's advice in Divorce Remedy is great for looking for a IC or an MC who will work individually with you.
Also, just my biased opinion, I think male IS's are better at DB approaches. Just my $.02 though.
