Wife abandoned me...Now What?

[Grocerykartman]

Well, what happens if she reads your letter and scoffs at it? I wrote my wife one letter along these lines, and it did no good. Not saying it can't work, but I think the odds are against it. It's another form of pursuing. What's worse on your end is:

1. You will be putting your heart and soul into this letter. Can you take the results if she continues to behave as she does afterwards? She may very well not even appreciate the time you took to write it, much less start to act in a way you can start to work on your relationship with. Not to be overly negative here, but if you are very hopeful deep down that this may make her see the light, you may be disappointed.

2. Whatever you say in this letter, you'd better be fully prepared to follow through on. You have tolerated a lot so far. Such loyalty is to be commended, as you're not giving up on your marriage. But what she needs is to respect you, and no one respects people who waffle and waver on what they say (and threaten). Are you sure you can do this? If you have verbally said anything like this before, then you obviously have not backed up your words.

3. You can't take back a letter. Can't write off things you've written as in the heat of the moment either if you later regret saying any of them. It's a hard copy of your thoughts you've surrendered forever once they're given to her on paper.

I think if you HAVE to say these things, then only SAY them, for the reasons above. But, I wouldn't necessarily say them. Let your actions do the talking. Don't let her treat you like garbage, meaning, continue to work on you without any expectations for her. You may be in this for a long haul yet. But you're going to have quit being hung up on her like this if you're going to continue to DB. Right now, you are still more focused on your frustration, anger, and feeling of being disrespected than taking it as best you can in stride to motivate you to improve your life even more.