Nicole, I felt this was just a necessity here!
you are more then welcome to contribute what you have learned too. the more help the better.

Peter, at first I had myself and the others who are involved with addicts in mind, kinda what I had originally planned for my special circumstances thread but it turned into a thread on Sues situation instead and not what I meant to happen. As I was thinking about it, it just seems like everyone here really needs it. as I typed everyones diferent situations came to mind.
Chris has it down, so he's not allowed just kidding, actually we could really use his input here.
I think you did good Peter, you also recognized the need to work on your faith.
So work on it!

Douglas, I must admit chuckled when I read your post, not at you, but I understand how you feel. the thing is, you cant control another, were learning here to detach and let them be responsible for themselves. You are asking me to give you pointers on controlling her in a way. You can talk to her but the thing is if she dosnt want to stop or see the need to stop she wont, and theres nothing you can do about it. However when you are dealing with an addict. You can and should set boundaries. My H is an alcoholic. Believe me I spent 12 years trying everything there is to do to get him to stop drinking, begging, crying, pleading, threatining, refusing to have sex, giving him all the sex he wanted, dumping out his booze, watering down his booze, hiding his keys, his credit cards, telling everyone about his problem and how much he drank. He couldnt stop he was powerless over the alcohol. In the end he had to be detoxed for a week just to go to the 30 day inpatient rehab. While in family week there I met many others who all did all the many to get their addicts to quit, we all joked about being married to the same man. We spent a long time learning that we spent so much time worrying and obsessing over the addict we lost ourselves, we didnt even know how we felt anymore. the first day we all sat in a circle one by one we had to say who we were why we were there and how we felt.
Each person when it came time to tell how they felt, talked about the addict not about themselves. I was the only one there who said "I feel like I lost myself, and I just dont FEEL anymore" I felt like an idiot becuase I didnt answer like everyone else. when we were done, it turned out I was one step ahead because I already realized I had lost my self and my feelings were numb.
They said it takes a long time usually just to get us "Codependents" to realize that.

If you have talked to your W about the problem and how its affecting the family, and she still refuses to hear you, which usually they cant because their minds just dont work right and think right because they are sick. You can do a Intervention, they often run aobut $1500 the thing is most people who get help only can be helped if they truly want it.

the think about boundaries. You can say I will not ask you to stop but I will not tolerate it in my home. So its their option to continue but they just may not do it around you. Then its their choice. I will get more into Boundaries after we have gone through Detachment thoroughly.

take care all,
Sue

Sal its okay, sorry I didnt get to you earlier, but my H monitors my e-mail. He would flip if I gave it out.