I'm feeling a little blue today. I tried to talk to a lawyer and it got me depressed. Think it's b/c there appears to be no progress with W. Can someone cheer me up?
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Does anybody here know anything about "mediation" ?? I know it costs less than lawyers.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
She has talked with a lawyer; I saw the charge on our account. That's all I know. She wants to get D and live in same house until S11 is older and D17 has moved on.
The other day she got her gumption up to even suggest I move out, when she's the one who wants the D. I told her I will not live with her while divorced and I will not move out.
Is it too much for me to ask, that we not live together as a divorced couple? She could date other men etc. and I would just be her roomie. That just seems bad to me, even if the kids still have us under the same roof.
What do you guys think?
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
I posted the following at the end of the locked thread before anyone could respond, so I copied and pasted here.
I cannot tell if it's an act or genuine trying to make nice. But yesterday (Sunday) went smoothly and "cordially". No mention of D or wanting to "talk" - no teary spell. W was upbeat the whole day after that early morning apology I mentioned previously. And she slept in our bed last night. I don't get any warm fuzzies from her though. I think she's still scared to death I'll freak out and expose. So I don't expect her to be open to any kind of re-connection. Am I being paraniod about this or still angry? I am here in the same house with her and you guys aren't, But if you have any wisdom to offer, I'd like to hear it.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Enjoy the good day - it will help you also. It may become a cycle, she is upbeat, you feel better, she will become comfortable and might not want to rock the boat, you buy more time to do DB. Emotional upheavals can be so tiring. I live with H, and after started DBing I felt so calm when we would go for two week stretches without upheavals, no R talks, no D or S talks, and felt that those were times that progress was made. he also said that at times he felt that we were OK, and I think he refers to those times as well. Thing is, after 2 wks or so, i would start feeling restless and do something stupid, and it would set us back. What you feel isn't paranoia, its the need to know what is the real deal, but remember that she herself also does not know it! Anger I think always lurks beneath the surface in all of us betrayed spouses, and rises up to the surface when we feel disrespected and rejected. That is the demon we have to control.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Well tonight W is not as upbeat. She did fix dinner, but she's real quiet. We hardly said a word to each other.
I find that playing and singing Christmas carols with my guitar makes me feel better. I have to practice for an upcoming church party. Great excuse to behave upbeat around W.
Wish I could re-read my DR book, but I can't with her around. I've lost track of where I was going in the book.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Scanned your original thread but haven't gotten through it all yet. 15 pages is a lot! But I am going to go back and read it carefully asap. I may not be much help, but I'm listening at the very least.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
Cycle in and cycle out. Last night she moved back to the couch again. Nothing said, no reason given. When she came to the bedroom to get her pollow, I said G'night; she just looked at me sadly and didn't answer.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
