I would not write a letter, text, call or e-mail anything to your W. Honestly, the conversation need not be hard or long. Any decent family therapist would tell you that setting your boundaries is a 2 min. conversation and your W need not "think" about it. It's yes or no. If she is unable to provide you with the necessary safeguards to keep your marriage affair free and do so with remorse and openness you will know right away.
Plus - if you handle this right YOUR demeanor matters. Body language, eye contact and tone are essential. By setting YOUR boundaries and NOT delivering ultimatums you are leaving the choice up to her to make with free will.
Don't emasculate yourself by using the word delicate or any other "touch feely" verbiage. Firm, loving action is required and that will require a masculine approach. You don't have the power to push her either way (none of us do). Set your boundaries and let her decide freely.
