Thank you for joining my thread. You appear to be giving me similar advice to CDBear, but the way you phrase it (without the hate and anger in your voice) your point is made and feels heartfelt. dbmod seems to have missed the part where my wife didn't return to her apartment all night.
Essentially, when my wife suggested that we start dating, it wasn't inappropriate (R Talk) for me to ask her if she was dating other men. It fact, it is the necessary prelude to setting boundaries: "I will not live in an open marriage" and "I will not date you while you are dating other men." Likewise, it was not inappropriate for me to have "verified" by driving by her apartment. Now that I am reasonably certain that the affair continues, in spite of her reassurances, I need to set those boundaries.
I can see from my own reaction (to those who have taken the time to post) that this will be a delicate conversation. She appears to be sitting on the fence; a little push could send her in either direction. Worse yet, would be to accept the sitch with my doubts and lose respect for myself. How can she respect me if I don't?
What if I wrote her a letter? If I start writing it, can I get everyone's help in editing it?
