On the emotional front an affair (on both ends really) is a huge obstacle to overcome. Even if she is not seeing OM still there is a period of withdrawal and often times the spouse who has committed infidelity will return to the LBS. This is a good time to strike IF you have put in place all the parameters necessary to safeguard both you and your marriage from further infidelity. And really, your W has to be totally on board.
And lets be real here... there are MANY reasons an adulterous spouse shows interest again. She may really have some interest but don't discount ulterior motives (finances, legal trouble and so on). The best way to find out if ulterior motives are fueling her new found interest is to fully execute the plan for safeguarding the marriage. If she fails to happily comply the consequences will be swift.
EVERYBODY here hopes to save their marriage. Saving a marriage is not a black and white endeavor and many things have to be considered. Honestly, if your state is one that acknowledges adultery in legal proceedings I would certainly investigate. In some states if a spouse has had an affair and the other spouse knows about it AND has sex AFTER the affair then they have consented to the affair. Sadly, some spouses who show "interest" after being caught know this and protect themselves via VERY manipulated channels.
Remove the doubt by implementing the basic plan that EVERYBODY should be following when recovering from an affair. But your W needs to do the bulk of the work, show remorse and REALLY not balk at the details of it all. Otherwise you are asking for more trouble. Don't fool yourself thinking you are on an even playing field here.
