Beyond Depression..but still a losing battle?

[Lucky11too]

Ahh, back to the computer (and work!) It’s almost impossible to get on the computer at home, but oh well. I definitely wanted to update on the Thanksgiving weekend. Well, before Thanksgiving (on Wed), H said he was getting concerned b/c he felt himself going back to drinking to deal with all the stress. I tried to encourage him and say that the most important thing (& the difference from last year) is that he is cognizant of it now. I encouraged him to find more productive ways to deal with his stress (ie exercise, etc). On Wednesday, he asked if he was invited to our Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday and I said of course (since we are still positively working on things). So, some good stuff, but then it just went down hill from there. On thanksgiving day, with classic H flair, he arrived about 2 mins before we were to sit down to eat, had dinner with us (about 15 to 30 mins), then as soon as we finished, said he was in a turkey coma and went to my room and went to sleep for the next 3 hours. First of all, that is super rude! Basically it was like eat and run. He couldn’t even be socialable enough to spend some time with my family? I was pissed. He said he was super happy to see me, but 1) was tired b/c he was out late “letting off steam” (drinking) and 2) said my Aunt was stressing him out (yes, she can be a little high strung, but deal with it!). On top of that, he completely missed hanging out with S. After dinner, me, my sis and BIL went outside and played with S. BIL was running around playing chase with him and S had such a great time (non-stop laughing). I just kept thinking this is what H should be out here doing. So finally when it was time to go to H’s family’s house (we have afternoon thanksgiving dinner, they have night thanksgiving dinner), H got up and we took S over there. It all went well over there. S had a blast playing with all the young cousins and I chatted with all the aunts and girl cousins. H sat on the couch with the guys and watched the football game. It‘s frustrating for me, but really, it’s his loss once more. He continues to miss out on S’s life. So unfortunately, I don’t think there was a whole lot I could do at that point to make the sitch any better. I could have told H he had to get up but I know with past times, it wouldn’t have done any good except to make him grouchy (and who wants to be around somebody grouchy. Might as well stay in his little cave) The only thing I can learn from this is to set standards for the next holiday. I know he’s going to ask to come over for Christmas, so I’ll let him know he is welcome to join us for Christmas, but that means that he must actually “join us”! Yes, he could still end up hiding away, but at least he knows what my expectations are.

So continuing on, thanksgiving night, H came over and we watched a movie. It’s weird, H seems to only want to be around me – not really other family or even S. He loves S and tolerates his family, but he seems to only actually want to spend time with ME. He spent the night, but didn’t sleep well (took his new meds too late which causes insomnia) so slept in late the next morning. S wanted to go to the park to the next day, so I finally asked H, H got up, we went for an hour, then H left for work. The rest of the weekend kind of just went. He worked, we texted occasionally about S and how are days were, and that was that. I just feel like he’s not doing good still. I really wanted the meds to just do their thing and make him all better. It seems like he’s still in a constant funk and unable to deal with his stress still (resorting to drinking to deal with it). =/ I believe he has a follow up appointment sometime next week, so hopefully he can get some more direction from the Dr.

So besides that, the rest of the weekend was great for me. It was so nice to have those extra days off and spend extra time with S. (S has been especially clingy lately, so that was good for him too to have some extra mommy time). We got the house all decorated for Christmas (it looks so beautiful!) and did a little bit a shopping (I spent a little more than I should have but I got some great deals!) So now, to a new week and into December (where did this year go!!!).