Moving Forward

[gutwrenching]

Sandi/others

I am doing fine. We are certainly back on the roller coaster, I remember this one. She did not crack...back to her resolve and uncertainty.

Trying to keep this short. Lets see if I can cover the major things.
- She would like me to just boot her out of the house so the decision is made for her...so that makes me want to do the opposite even more...as I told her "you need to fix this mess and decide what you want once and for all"
- She does not feel she can afford an apartment, so she would have to rent a room in someone’s house…which then led to we have a big enough house, I could just live in the basement here…I am not so sure I like that idea at all…not sure that brings about the reality needed for her to make up her mind
- She is up and down…from telling me one evening she has no patience with me to kissing me the next morning.
- Claims there is no contact with OM because he said no more. My response was “I wish I could believe that.” She said no its done. I then replied, W, we both know the pattern. This has happened many times before. Then a week or two from now, one of you will reach out and email the other and it’ll start all over again. She again said no it won’t. I replied, well, back in Aug you were certain you two would never communicate again, and then he repeatedly sent you notes and then you reached back out to him after a few.
- She did admit that she needs to see an IC and figure out what is wrong and help her determine what she should do…however, I suspect that she won’t ever do that unless I hold her hand all the way there (find a good IC, tell her we can afford to pay for it, give her the number, etc)

So all in all, I am doing ok. Great, no not great…still sad to be back here. But Ok – yes I am fine. I still grapple with waiting till after Xmas. But am probably leaning that way for the kids. That statement about the kids associating Christmas with their mom leaving hit me pretty hard. It resonates. Cause now after 2 years in a row of this crap storming down, I associate Thanksgiving and Christmas with my wife dropping bombs…so that one I can relate too