I invited the cast of the show I was in this fall to watch the DVD of our performance. The first guy to arrive was the one who made the DVDs (his business) and we were chatting. I must have mentioned something about the divorce (either getting the house in the settlement or something) and he asked, "How long have you been divorced." With a slight pause.. "Almost two years, three years since he left."
Some big ole thing thunked in my head taking half my brain. "That's a looooooooooooooong time." was the thought.
But-t-t-t-t.. it was an emotional atom bomb. Definitely Year One and a Half.
But-t-t-t-t.. it was financially devastating. Absolutely but that's my responsibility to deal with.
But-t-t-t-t.. what about the kids? My gut instinct to provide a stable place, secure that the kids knew where ever I was is home was right. That whatever I did impacted decades of their life. And they're all flourishing.
But-t-t-t-t.. what about me? Yep. That's the big cannoli.
It's MY life... now.
Not the divorce's. Not the injustice. It's the present.
Getting stuck in the past is a choice. Fretting about fears is one, too. Throwing my energy into the now is a good one.
Time to let go, shed the stinking molding tattered boots of anger, regret, pain of divorce and feel the ground beneath my feet.
Uh huh. There may be glass, gravel, pointy rocks but there's grass, sand, water, too.
I know how to feel. It's time to look and move, too.
