I think the only way at this point to drop the rope so that H realizes it would be to initiate filing for D. But I really really don't want to do that. For one thing, it's darn expensive. H wants it so bad, let him pay for it. And for another, a D is not what I want and I'm afraid if I file to try and wake him up he'll call my bluff and finalize it.
I rarely talk to H, when I do I will talk about DS, H is the one who initiates talks about the marriage. H is the one who calls me, I will only text him. When he calls I let it go to voicemail then text my response to him. How I wish I could go pitch black and have no interactions with him whatsoever. That would give me time to heal and start to detach.
Mystik, my dear...I don't want to sound harsh but at this point, I don't care if your H realizes you've dropped the rope. It's more important to me that YOU just do it. This is not some strategy for getting your H back. Although, in the very long run, it might help. Dropping the rope is about YOU getting to a place where you are thinking about what you want and need. Letting go of something that is clearly unhealthy to reach for something different and new.
This is the mistake that a lot of people make when they come here. You are acting from a place of "what will get my H back". You need to be acting from a place of "what is the best thing for me and DS right now". It is a hard mental transition to make. Your therapy is going to help you so much with this. Do the homework they'll give you and really work on YOU.
When my H left, I had lived so long thinking all about him and his needs that I didn't even know what music I liked anymore. My kids wanted to buy me some CD's but I didn't know what to tell them. I had a good cry over that but it really made me see that I had spent too much time on HIM and no time on ME. It makes me so sad that you write so much about your h and so little about you.
Instead of praying for God to bring your H back, try praying that God will give you strength and wisdom to figure what your true needs are in a healthy relationship. Try to pray that God will guide you in the way that He knows is best and give you peace to get through the day. Lean into that strength and peace. It really takes the pressure off if you remember that this burden is His not yours. Say it out loud if you find yourself starting to drift into negative thoughts.
