H's MLC - he is still lost but I found myself

[Mila]

OK to continue about yesterday.....

After coming back from the disastrous morning meeting, through my tears I wrote the post on my DB tread and then sent an e-mail to H....I know, I know....didn't obey the 24hr rule...I'm already dodging the 2x4s. I just felt that I needed to go on record that I don't agree with his statements...just a gut feeling. This is what I sent to him:

H, it's hard to describe the pain and deep sadness that I feel right now.....how could our relationship so deep and loving for so many years be where it is now, how could two people that were so close and the best of friends for so long be so divided...I just can't make any sense out of this.....the sadness is overwhelming.

Please know that regardless of what happened in the past year and half I don't hate you, I don't mean you any harm, I don't go out of my way to purposefully hurt you or punish you...I wish that you could believe that. There is no conspiracy against you, I'm not vengeful or calculating my actions to "get back at you" and the last thing I would want to do is to prevent you from having a good relationship with D.

I'm trying to live my life the best I know how, to be the best person I can be. It's not easy to navigate thought this journey, there are many stages and many emotions to deal with and I'm sure that I will make some mistakes along the way...but one thing I'm certain about is that I have no hate for you in my heart, forgiveness is what I strive for.

I hope that some day you'll look deep inside and realize that I was never your enemy and that I never meant you any harm.


At the same time as I clicked the send button I received an email from him:

Mila, I am sorry, I really don’t want to fight with you, I miss us not fighting... I am sorry

To that one I replied

I miss us not fighting...I’m sorry too

Then he was quiet, no reply to my fist (long) email.

Then D wanted to go shopping for a Xmas Formal (grad dinner) dress, so I sent an email to H that we are going shopping for it. He called and and asked if the email was an invitation for him to go. I said that I was just informing him that this is what we are doing since he wanted to know about everything having to do with Grad and he is welcome to come if he wants to. So he said yes. I told D and she said "I told him this morning that we are going and he didn't say that he wants to come....Maybe he felt obligated because he put up such a fuss to be included.

We picked him up, first thing D said to him when he got in the car "That's weird that you wanted to come, you hate shopping"...he didn't reply. Anyway he followed us through the stores, it was very awkward actually...we hardly talked ...like we had nothing to say to each other and 2 hours later and D didn't find a dress that she liked...

That's it for yesterday, still no reply to my heartfelt email....until this morning this is what he replied

Thank you for your beautify written email.
I want to say that I agree with everything you say... And feel...