Sinclair is in a different place than the two of you are.
Not really. Assuming at it's best.
Originally Posted By: dbmod
Your wife is testing the waters with you. She is interest in YOU. There is no need to second guess that. Take her at face value, and if/when you have a new reason to distrust, then you check that out if you want to.
If your gut is telling you OM is in the picture, he is. Verify. My Wife is still interested in me too. Guilt? Trouble letting go? To be mean? I have NO idea. She is divorcing me, but one simple rule...If he's in her Life, I'm not. I'll continue to work on me and I will continue to DB, but as far as OM is in picture I can't compete with that. Me working on me, is what keeps her coming back to check .
Originally Posted By: dbmod
You are the only person with the knowledge of your own relationship. You can only show your own perspective here, but the more you test your solutions, think about what is her perspective of your relationship is as well.
Hence WHY we can only offer info on our Sitches. If we have experienced Wayward spouses, then we have a RIGHT to tell what we can do differently.
Sinclair has a very good situation, but so do I. I validated my Wife and continue to give her what SHE wants, but ADVICE according to this board and my DB COACH is also to respect myself. SINCE, I have done this and have actually focused on me and MY healthy Boundary, guess who contacts me on a daily basis?
My Goal is to save my Marriage, but I can't do it if I have someone else satisfying HER emotional needs. Much as I try, that has to die out on it's own. My choice is to move on, but treat her the way I DID NOT.
However, Did I cheat? NO.
Will I accept an Open Marriage? NO
Did I quit? No
Has RockedHER? NO
Did CD quit? NO
Will I continue to work on me and my part? Yes
Do not discredit our advice, because we are in the trenches. We are DB'ing, not promoting Divorce, but UNTIL the interlopers are out of the picture and our Spouses focus on themselves, we really can't do much else.
But I can sleep at night. Sinclair, I want you to be able to look in the mirror and KNOW you did the right thing and can sleep at night too.
