I think its over help pls

[blue2010]

This evenings conversation tied in with another forum post of mine.
3) Finally, regarding her moving out v. staying at sister's, and saying "the kids miss you" I would suggest this. If you are working on yourself, getting a life, becoming the guy you have the potential to be, ending the Love Extinguishers, and re-starting Love Kindlers, you will be better able to show her those changes if she does not move out. One possible solution might be to suggest a MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING. Let her know you understand she is considering moving out but in an effort to be financially responsible adults around the Holiday Season, what if we agreed to an "in house" separation and splitting the bills 50/50? Have her rent a room or something! Be creative. The point is that choice #1 would be have her stay home in your bed "no rush to make a decision", #2 have her stay home at least, #3 stay with her sister and #4 rent or buy something (because option #4 will carry legal implications such as a lease or mortgage). But no matter which choice you two finally select, please don't use "the kids miss you." If the kids do miss her, give them permission to tell her that themselves...it is between her and her children and it is their relationship. Using them as a tool in YOUR relationship (ie, using children as leverage in the adult relationship) is not cool for the kids or the adults. Guilting someone does not win love. Being LOVING and the kind of man she would admire and love...does!

Well she jumps right to 4. She feels she needs her own space. She wants to go get the legal paperwork done so she can get a mortgage approved and i do not have to change this one. She feels she can't stay at her sisters she doesn't want to rent she found a property that is also a good investment property. I have not used miss the kids I am letting the kids do that themselves. Buying over the holidays should take a couple months. We still haven't had a good solid financial conversation. One of us has been to emotional each time.
She discussed the property told me she had to get legal advice on a couple of things. She still fears i am going to pull some evil card on something with the kids like custody ??? That almost reinforces Fog because I just am not like that. She completly dismissed the notion that she was going to speak to a lawyer about D, only real estate. She followed up with you never know what 6 months from now will bring. I asked her what she needs right now. She said she needs a home. She doesn't feel at home .....in her home and she admits she created that. She discussed our differences that lead to some of this. I wish she had been so direct in the past. She somewhat took responsibility for not being direct.
I said something about there being another choice and she is just stuck that there is no other way to go. How can there be, this will never go away, it will always be there she says . She believes I am going to hold ( I think her it was the A) over her forever. The marital things she described all comes down to communication. I did not push, that was the most she let out since D Day.
She would not answer the question of wether or not she was still speaking with OM she rolled her eyes at me and said why don't you ask OM wife. Why don't you check the phone bill. I didn't really respond. This to me either means she is or he did do a NC via txt last night.
I suppose a couple months is enough to work on stuff. Even if she goes through with the purchase. If I fight it that would probably be worse. I was calm and kind tonight I reminded her I cared. I did not ask about our future I let her lead the conversation. I have learned.
She wouldn't look me in the eye when talking about the real estate.
I don't know if anything I do will open her mind to the possibility of recovery. What could I say to stimulate that thought process?