Also consider the fight the OW will put up. She has a newborn with your H and another son from another R. She is now desperate for a man and his help and she most certainly will not be afraid to put up a legal fight with your H if need be. Clearly her morals are non existent and a newborn is the perfect weapon to use against him.
My H pushed for the divorce because the OW was pushing him to divorce. Once he realized what a divorce would entail HE suggested the separation and I was so ill after 18 months of litigation I agreed. Now I am initiating the divorce and he is not all that happy about it. OW is boring him and his W is done with him. Not all that great for a man that was happier than he ever thought he could be when the OW was interesting. They are hitting the three year mark though and my H's pride and arrogance will keep him in the R forever (as per what he says).
IMO the BEST thing you can do for yourself is get a third party to handle everything between you and your H when it comes to your son. Ask your therapist for resources you can use. This man is harmful to you and your recovery and until he is gone the real recovery will be hampered with his abuse.
Your H won't be the ass that leaves his W AND his OW with a newborn so really, you must just do what you have to do for you.
I strongly urge you to get the divorce done. An abuser has no place in your life or recovery. Even if he does ever decide to leave OW your H has not given any indication of remorse, respect or the desire to change his abusing ways.
And no more changing the pickup or drop off locations for your H. He is unable to come as per the court orders or be where he is supposed to be ON TIME then no son for the day. Get legal help with that if you need to.
