But I’m too afraid that if I let go, then I’ll never get him back.
If you DON'T let go, you will NEVER get him back. I know this is a hard concept to get but it is the truth. Like Abby has said, the harder you keep tugging the rope, the harder he is pulling away. You have to let go of that rope to have any chance of ever getting a future(way distant)with him.
He has to get the chance to live out this fantasy with OW and let it fail on it's own. Right now, you've got them teamed up against you. You need to get yourself out of the picture so they can turn on each other. The best chance of that happening is right now. What is a more stressful time than having an infant in the house?
It's actually something that I struggled with too. I couldn't get that I needed to remove myself from the triangle in order for it to fall over. Think of it like a table with three legs. When you remove one, it eventually falls.
With me, I took baby steps toward that direction. First, I stuck like glue to our schedule. No changes, period. Kids need to have a routine they can count on. They have enough changes to deal with. And, you need time to build a relationship with DS too. You are just as important.
Next, I got involved at my church. I started helping with the children's groups my kids were involved in. If you need to, sign your son up for something. You'll both find new friends. You can also find some single mom groups through your church, the local hospital or sometimes the meetings are posted in the paper or online.
Last, I stuck with my therapy sessions. Over time, I got so much clarity that what everyone had been telling me started to make sense. You'll get there too. It just takes time.
