Detaching is not detaching from the person whom we care about, but from the agony of involvement.
Detachment is something we must do first! before we can begin to work on ourselves, to live our own lives, feel our own feelings, and solve our own problems until we have detached from the object of our obsession. It appears that even our Higher Power cant do much with us until we have detached.
Attachement is becoming overly -involved, sometimes hopelessly entangled.
Attachment can take several froms:
* we may become excessively worried abut, and preoccupied with, a problem or person (our mental energy is attached).
*Or, we may graduate to becoming obsessed with and controlling of the people and problems in our enviroment (our mental, physical, and emotional energy is directed at the object of our obsession).
* we may become reactionaries, instead of acting authentically of our own volition (our mental, emotional, and physical energy is attached).
* We may become emotionally dependent on the people around us (now were really attached).
* WE may become caretakers (rescuers, enablers) to the people around us (firmly attaching ourselves to their need for us).
Overinvolvement of any kind may keep us in a state of chaos. Worrying and obsessing keep us so tangled in our heads we cant solve our problems. Whenever we become attached in these ways to someone or something, we become dtached from ourselves. We lose touch with ourselves. WE forfeit our power and ability to think feel act and take care of ourselves. We lose control.
Detachment is not a cold hostile withdrawal; a resigned, despairing acceptance of anything life and people throw our way; a robotical walk through life oblivious to and totally unaffected by people and problems. Nor is it a removal of our love and concern.
Ideally dtachemnt is releasing or detaching from a person or problem in love. WE mentally emotionally and smetimes phusically disengage oursleves from unhealthy and frequently painful entanglements with another persons life and reponsibilities, and from problems we cannot solve, according to a handout, entitled "Detachment." that has been passed around al-anon groupos for years.
Detachment is based on the premises that each person is responsible for himself, htat we cant solve problems that arent ours to solve, and that worrying doesnt help. Keep our hands off of other peoples responsibilities. Detachment involves present moment living-living in the here and now. We allow life to happen instead of forcing and trying to control it. we relinquish regrets over the past and fears about the future we make the most of each day. Also accepting reality - the facts. It requires faith - in ourselves, in God, in other people, and in the natural order and destiny of things in this world.
Detaching does not mean we dont care. It means we learn to love, care, and be involved without going crazy. We stop creating all this chaos in our minds and enviroments. We become free to care and to love in ways that help others and dont hurt ourselves.
The rewards of from detachment are great: serenity; a deep sense of peace; the ability to give and receive love in self-enhancing, energizing ways; and the freedom to find real soulutions to our problems.
I know you have problems. I understand that many of you are deeply grieved over, and concernd about, cerain people in your lives. Many of htem may be destroying themselves, you, and your family, right before your eyes. But I cant do anything to control those people; and you probably cant either. If you could you would have done it by now.
Detach. Detach in love, or dteach in anger, but strive for detachment. It will become easier with practice.
Activity
1. Is there a problem or person in your life that you are excessively worried about? Write about that person or problem. Write as much as you need to write to get it out of your system. When you have written all you need to write about that person or problem, focus on yourself. What are you thinking? What are you feeling?
2. How do you feel about detaching from that person or problem? What might happen if you detach? Will that probably happen anyway? How has staying "attached"--worrying obsessing trying to control -- helped so far?
3. If you did not have that person or problem in your life, what would you be doing with your life that is different from what you are doing now? How would you be feeling and behaving? Spend a few minutes visualizing yourself living your life, feeling and behaving that way -- in spite of your unsolved problem. Visualize His hands placing in Gods hands the person or problem you are concerned about. Visualize His hands gently and loving ly holding tht person or willingly accepting that problem. Now visualize His hands holding you. All is wel for the moment. All is as it should and as it needs to be. All will be well--better than you think.
