H in crisis and self medicating with OW

[Albuquerque]

Nicole,

I haven't followed your sitch all that closely, but here's just a few things that I observed.

It seems that you are bending over backwards to do things the way H wants.

He wants to drive you home. You already made plans. He gets cranky. You change.

He wants to drive you to work, you say OK, he shows up and falls asleep, you let yourself get to work late while simultaneously feeding him and giving him tea.

Yes, it was nice of him to show up to drive you to work. But if he's going to just go to sleep, I probably would have driven myself and not bothered waking him up. Or else, that would have been the last time I would have accepted his "help". Seems like he's kind of "forcing" himself on you and you are just accepting it. What do YOU really want? I get the sense that your H "needs to be needed". That places you in the role of a being a needy person in order to satisfy him. Is that what you want? If not, then you need to become more self sufficient and DENY him the opportunity to be needed. Yes, getting a ride in a better car may be a big help, but perhaps it's time to stop enabling his neediness and start standing for yourself. It won't be easy, but it will be different.