H in crisis and self medicating with OW

[nicole8]

I'm having a really hard time being patient and just waiting for my h. I want him to be home again but things need to be different than the last million times he has come back. Oh, and the contact with OW has got to stop.

This week he has been somewhat "weird" again. I asked if we could talk on Sunday and he said he was at work until midnight. I thought he was going to his mom's but he started texting me and seemed irritated when I told him I didn't want to talk via text messaging. Monday night we had some snow and big winds. My power went out. My h texted immediately to ask if I lost power also, because his mom had too. The next morning he asked if I needed a ride to work. I told him that would be great and he came right over to get me. Very nice of him. My car is all- wheel drive but doesn't have traction tires. I thanked him and he said he had to work that evening so he would need to pick me up early possible so he could get to work on time. I told him not to worry I was going to ask a co-worker to drive me. He got upset and said "nicole, that's not the point". He obviously wanted to drive me home. I backed down and told him it would be great if he could get me and I'm sure we would be leaving early anyway because of snow/ice. He said to just let him know what time and he would be there. On the way home I appologize for the confusion text messaging the night before. I had been confused if he was coming by the house or not. He said "ok, I would have done whatever you wanted"...wtf. I still think he is waiting again for me to tell him to come home and that I do still love him. It seems to be the game he plays where he acts all sad like no one wants him.

Later that night while he was at work he sent a message, "great talk". I still think this is his way of provoking me and at the same time making sure I'm still playing his game. I told him talking in the car for 10 minutes wasn't the best thing and besides I told him I felt he was irritable at me. He just responded "...ok". I left it at that and went to sleep. At 12:30 in the morning he sends a text asking if I needed a ride to work in the morning. I told him that if he was willing that would be great. He said he would be at the house as quick as he could in the am. Once he arrived I was still in bed and I went to get ready. I came out and he had turned on the fire place and grabbed a blanket to lie down. It then took me the next 30-40 minutes to get him up. I was late to work which is no biggie because of the snow/ice. I did make him a tea and an english muffin. He thanked me and seemed in a pretty good mood and was smiling some. He picked me up again that evening and asked if I needed to stop at the grocery store or go to my favorite place to get something to go. Hmmm, I'm not sure what to make of any of this.

I'm having a really hard time being in the same place over and over with no real change. The DB coach I've spoke with has said on more than one occassion that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So, I feel like I have been doing the same thing over and over. I don't know what to do different.... I'm stuck and just plain tired of this.