Working on acceptance and forgiveness

[AntoniaB]

I guess my last thread is super long too, so hopefully this link will work to the old thread, and if it doesn't, please someone give me advice on how to fix it:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2085021#Post2085021

To update my journey, I did not contact my H and he did not contact me at all over the holidays, so this was the first major "hurdle" to get through as far as a time that once had significant meaning for us. It was the first time in awhile that it was tough for me to not contact him but I persevered. I spent time with my family and while I was worried my family would act differently to me and treat me with pity, that didn't happen at all. I had a good time and took part in the cooking which gave me something to do. I came back home yesterday and I finished decorating my house/tree today while watching some movies. I am in the mindset Punkin talks about as far as knowing I have a ton of stuff to do and things I can choose to get involved in and that is exciting. Between my writing and research and my home and my hobbies and family and friends, I am pretty busy if I want to be.

Strangely enough, I am really enjoying my solitude, though, I mean it's not TRUE solitude since I'm here and on facebook every day, but I am liking the hours at home with my cats just doing things I enjoy or even just working on straightening things in the house.

I decided to go through cabinets and thin them out and pull out things for my H to take when he gets his apartment. I know that I don't owe him anything--the SA says it's all mine--but I would like more room, so I'm packing up some non-sentimental things for him to have at a later date. It's that or Goodwill, really. I have come across some sentimental things, like a stocking I made for him one year, and I just put it back away. I think if I give it to him now it seems like I'm trying to pursue and I don't want to do that. I also found something his mom gave me when we got married that was his--and it was meaningful--as it was meant for his wife. So I just put it back away. He isn't remarried. I'm sure he has forgotten. I haven't. So the day I found that, to stop the depression looming, I started to write the intro to my book and it made the depression lift. So clearly that book is going to save me.

We will be divorced in less than a month. Maybe it's the best thing. But whatever it is, it's out of my hands.

Hope everyone is doing well and got through the holidays ok.