Need insight

[angel61]

Pickle,

I do think you have an opening there - anytime that the tide turns, like what happened with OM backing out, is partly because of some things you did. You have to be careful on how you are handling the situation. Don't push her away. Realize that what you have been doing so far has contributed to the situation now, so since it is positive for you, you must have done something right. Like for me, OW backed out, (i know you are familiar wit my sitch, you also visit my thread) and I think its because H, who like you W at first said that our M was all gone and all he wanted to do was to leave, and that it was all my fault, in the end could not leave because the reaction he expected from me, which was to get angry, try to kill him, etc. did not happen. So he had no reason to hate me, and he ended up feeling guilty about what he was doing to me, and even OW got guilty too.
My advise for now: do not get anry. Let her say what she wants, if you do not want to hear it, just don't respond and she will stop talking, or tell her lets talk about this some other time after the holidays, when we have thought about this more clearly.
My H is now undergoing withdrawal, I am sure from what I have seen here that it is going to suck. I think your wife will too, I am guessing OM is backing out and they will never get to see each other.

I am thinking, just employ delaying tactics when she talks about S or D. Don't answer, argue, etc. Buy time. tell her when the right time comes, she can tell you what to do since she is the one who wants it. That is what i used to do when S or D still came up a lot. Nowadays, its rare.

I know that it is so tempting to agree, even to be the one to initiate an S. I myself have been telling myself to keep my ultimate goal, which is to preserve the M, in mind. But oftentimes I wonder if it is worth it. But again, I think back to what we used to have an it makes me motivated.

I am thinking, our spouses already had convinced themselves at the outset, to justify having an EA, that we were at fault, or that our M's were terrible. They have rewritten our histories. It will take time and patience for them to realize that they still want, need, love us. The more educated and intelligent they are, the harder for them to acknowledge they are wrong.
Hang in there, as I will here on my end.