So tomorrow is the big day... the day I love so much and get excited about a month before and start counting days down...
Turkey Day!!!
The family has decided to spend it with a relative and switch up our normal tradition. This will be very different from our norm but still fun. I am going to make a green bean casserole. My sis said she wants to make cheesecake cupcakes. LOL. I have never heard of these before.
Mmmm - turkey and stuffing and baked mac & cheese and ham and mashed potatoes and... gah... I love Thanksgiving!
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
My Thanksgiving holiday was good. Lots of food, family, R&R.
I don't really have much new to report.
I have been a little down the past few days - mostly thinking about my life is so not what I thought it would be but I suppose that's normal. I don't really like any of this/where I am but it's part of the process.
HG came over and made me breakfast and washed all my dishes over the weekend. H, in the 7 yrs that we were together, not once made me breakfast or washed any dishes. Funny that. Nonetheless, I need to tell HG that I enjoy the time we spend together very much but am worried this feels fast for me. I don't want anything serious right now and it'd be nice if it were just casual. I guess it is casual and obviously we're not sleeping together but it still feels fast-ish? Make sense? I am conflicted. I don't want to not see him but I don't want to be super into a relationship... How do I word this to him? I like him but I am wary. I don't believe in people right now. That sounds sad but it's true. I need to go s l o w in all aspects of my life.
Feeling down happens to all of us but think back to the days when you were down a lot more than you are now so you're making great progress and definitely heading in the right direction. The firsts we go through (even the seconds or thirds) certainly bring back those good memories and thoughts. I allow myself some time to think about them and then move on saying 'that was good times, and I'm glad to have had them in my life...I'll have many more in the future' - and believe me you will, I have no doubt!
As for HG, you're a very smart girl and you're thinking all the right healthy stuff. You have to try and be single for some time- trust me on this. Once you get to a place where you're 90% happy and the D is behind you, then you can think relationships again. Hey, maybe 2011 could be that single year for you- I mean what's the rush? You're young and single so enjoy it while it lasts
Glad you had a good holiday! Any plans for xmas? what are you getting yourself?
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
2011 could be the "single" year. Gosh I haven't been single in about a decade. That is CRAZY. You know what's nuts? I always loved being single and thought it was SO weird to be in a couple and then I was in a couple and loved it and it's all I've known the past few years.
HG invited me out for next week. And wanted to hang tonight but I have an exam. He wanted me to invite my niece/nephew for the acitivity and then said that it would be better adults-only (his sis and her fiance) so that went away. Which is good. I'm not ready for him to meet them. Is that weird? I mean I could introduce him as my friend (who I sometimes kiss) but I was thinking, is it odd I feel that way since I've met practically his entire family? Idk.
STBX also called me last night. Spoke for a long time. He loves me so much, he will never love anyone the way he loves me, he swears this on his life, that he's not happy at home. I asked "What can be done to change that?" and he replies, Nothing, really. Okay. And he finally told me he sometimes feels bad because he doesn't feel he did/has done anything/everything he could/can to try to save our M and taht is something he will have to live with for the rest of his life.
And then he said D is the best thing cause we've hurt eachother too much.
Okaay. I swear he is bi-polar. What the f-ckity f-ck. Pardon my french, DBers but that man makes no damn sense.
He also wanted me to come over cause he wanted to have sex nad atlked about it.
Ha ha ha.
Yeah right. He also thinks I am sleeping with HG. I told him I'm not. He doesn't believe me. Says he wonders how I could just "move on." Once again I reminded him he is the one who filed divorce and told him I have understood now that he cannot give me waht I need ...
I really do hope he finds his happiness one day. Cause he is all over the place. It's so strange.
Once again I reminded him he is the one who filed divorce and told him I have understood now that he cannot give me waht I need ...
Love it!
The reasons WASs are WASs is because they're unhappy from within but they're convinced that their unhappiness is because of us. So when they do leave (especially the ones that are not high on a new relationship) they're still unhappy but they keep convincing themselves 'it'll get better' or 'i love parts of my life' etc. They can never really face the truth. Too bad we couldn't send them into a repair shop or get a refund on our years and trade them in for a better model.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
The reasons WASs are WASs is because they're unhappy from within but they're convinced that their unhappiness is because of us. So when they do leave (especially the ones that are not high on a new relationship) they're still unhappy but they keep convincing themselves 'it'll get better' or 'i love parts of my life' etc. They can never really face the truth.
You are 100% right about this, Romeo!
He wants to sleep with me. Um, why? I mean, yeah, sex and intimacy but beyond that...what else is there between us?
Crickets...
It is like a swirly tunnelled mindf-ck. Haha. I love that phrase.
I don't really experience it as pursuing, I guess. Cause he still thinks D is to our benefit because we have so "many problems" per him. So it makes me a lil sad & like all he wants to do is have sex or be intimate/sleeping together.
When he says I'm the only one for him and the love of his life though I do like hearing that and I do like him saying he didn't try enough/he has to live w/ that forever...
It's just a mindfuck. Through an through. Cannot explain...
