It's not over till it's over right?

[sandi2]

Detaching is so hard. Does foregiveness have to come first?

Here's the thing,Lost, neither detaching or even forgiving is going to take the pain away right now. That is what you are dealing with....pain.

Even if you talked yourself into forgiving him tonight....you would find out that it still hurts. Forgiveness does bring a certain amount of healing, but when you are so raw with emotional pain....I don't believe it works right then. Hopefully, you will be able to reach that place.

I don't know how to see WH twice a week and discuss with him issues pertaining to my son without all of the anger being there.

I'm not trying to be an a$$, but are you saying that you can't talk to him without anger, or are you saying that you have to have more than two days a week to talk about son's issues?

I know I have no choice but to detach,

Think of it as you having a choice, b/c you do. Detaching is for your benefit as well as for the M.......but you do have that choice.

I know to successfully detach I have to believe I am going to be ok, but how do I make myself believe that I am not going to hurt this way forever? That my son won't hurt this way forever.

Reading some posts from those whose M did not survive will show that you don't suffer this bad from now on. You are in a very low place right now, righfully so. You have every right to feel like you do. It is very much like losing your loved one in death. You probably know that grief has stages that you have to get through before you can begin to go forward with your life. The closer that person was to you...the longer it takes. And when you finally get through the grieving, you know that you will never, never stop missing that loved one. You know that your life will never be like it once was b/c your loved on is gone. I don't know that that the pain completely goes away,but it does get lighter. You do discover that you have to continue to live....even if you don't want to some days.

Your life will go on, and it will be okay and maybe it will even be better. I think most of that is up to you. You will find that the love you have for that little boy will give you the power to push forward.

You can't make your H be a good father, just as you can't make him love you. That is quite a hill to climb,but once you realize that all you can do is be the best mom possible, then some of that pressure will be lifted. Being angry takes a lot of energy.Sometimes, we may be mad at another person,but those angry emotions are misdirected. I know I use to have that problem a lot. You don't want your son to think you are angry at him....when it's really his dad.

You keep coming here to vent your feelings.

((hugs))