Quote:
she gets defensive over childrens events that she cannot attend due to schedule especially if it includes any atypical behavior on my part.


Was she that way before all of this happened? Working moms can feel guilty when they can't attend events for the kids.

Does having an apartment (b/c she needs space) include the children? I know couples who only see each other a few times a week due to the type of jobs they have. However, for a wife/mother to decide that she needs her own place b/c she needs space has a lot of holes in it, IMO.

Quote:
I keep subtly reminding her I AM HERE.


It may not seem so subtle to her. I'd suggest you hold back from doing that. It doesn't take much for a WAW to feel smothered or pressured.

Quote:
I also want her to be reminded that her family wants her here.


Typical for a LBH to want to remind his WAW of things along those lines, but I don't think it works in a positive way to "remind". That is "fix it" techniques and you can't fix her.

Quote:
There is a whole lot of I miss mommy starting. But If I tell her that I am using the children against her according to my W.


So back to my question, does staying in an apartment not include her children? Are you suppose to take care of the kids while she is having her space? I think that needs to be agreed upon first, before the decision to get her own place. How does she think it will affect her kids? That's what you need to discuss before worrying if you tell her to go or not.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!